Riding the Struggle Bus

I have really been struggling over the past couple weeks.  My walking buddy hasn't been available very much to walk and suddenly it has made me realize that I do need to be pushed from time to time.  I'm more likely to go walk when I have a friend to talk to than by myself.  My eating hasn't been horrible, but I'm still craving sugar like a crazy person.  I'm jealous of the people out there who say they could do without sweets.  My overall motivation and passion is not as peak as it has been.  I knew these days would come and I told myself it was okay to go through times like this as long as I didn't give up on myself all together. 

I am a creature of habit.  I like my routine.  It allows me to know what is happening and when.  When my routine gets messed up, it tends to mess with my entire process.  The first jog in the road was my chef deciding she wasn't ready to take on her business again.  So now I'm back to planning, prepping, and cooking my own meals.  The second jog has been a shift in workload; having to stay later and being more stressed out.  The third has been after work and weekend plans.  When I can plan to go put on my workout gear and then go walk, it's easier than me having to go do something, THEN put on my workout gear and go walk.  If I go home before I have walked, you might as well count me out.  I sit down and that spells the end of any motivated activity.  I have been doing more on the weekends too which throws off my grocery shopping and cooking.  Lastly, my energy levels have been low.  I am tired a lot more recently.  I wanted to blame it on my period, but despite taking my Metformin again, my periods have not returned.  I thought perhaps the regular exercise would help too.

I know anxiety has been an issue too.  I have a lot of concerns about money and trying to reduce my monthly spending cost.  Living paycheck to paycheck is really starting to get to me.  I am thankful for my nice apartment and car.  I have food, water, power, etc., but I get nervous looking at the double digit number in my savings account and knowing if something went wrong, I would need help.  I don't like knowing I'm not self sufficient in hard times.

I'm too scared to weigh myself or do my measurements right now; even though it is the end of the month again.  I know I should do it, because I may be surprised, but I know how I feel when I don't see results.  I feel worst knowing I told myself I would step it up this week and other than walking a few days at lunch, I have done very little stepping up.  Maybe I need new motivation again, like a medal to work on.  I may need a reward I can earn fairly quickly.